“How To Raise An Adult” Book Review

I received a copy of How To Raise An Adult for my honest review. This post may contain affiliate links.  All thoughts are that of Cozy Country Living.

When my husband and I thought about starting a family we had these visions of babies and toddlers. Cute, cuddly, sweet individuals who would become our whole world.  Our four children have become our whole world, but they are no longer so little and guess what? Parenting is hard. Really hard. Every day, every month, every year each one of our children are changing. They have their own personalities, thoughts, emotions and they are all different. Our job is to guide them and to teach them. In a world where a lot of people think things should be just handed to you, it’s becoming increasing hard. We are trying to parent slightly different from the norm today to ensure we raise responsible, successful young adults. I was excited to receive an advance copy of How To Raise An Adult for this exact reason!

In the book, “How To Raise an Adult,” Julie Lythcott-Haims the pages are filled with research. Julie gives her unique perspective on overparenting and how it’s affecting our young adult children today. Her experience as a student dean and through countless conversations with educators, admissions officers, employers, and even students themselves shows the constant parent involvement that is preventing our children from “growing up.”  She  shows specific examples on how most of today’s generation of parents are trying so hard to protect their children and make the way for them that they have forgotten how to teach them to do things for themselves. To raise a responsible, confident adult, you have to start now – when your children are little!

I have seen this first hand as my husband and I live on the outskirts of a college town. We own several homes that we rent to college students. We are firm believers that these college “kids” are in fact adults. I mean what is the age now that most Americans stop calling an young adult a child? 25, 30…?  Young adults, but with the responsibilities of a child because of constant parent involvement, including parents setting up leases, grocery shopping and even cleaning for their adult children. I think it is beyond ridiculous. The majority of these young adults are lacking the ability to even take care of themselves because they never were given the chance to do it. They grew up having someone do everything for them and solving basic problems like plunging a toilet (I’m not kidding!) or even purchasing and changing a light bulb are some of the things they cannot do. Can you imagine calling your landlord to have them plunge the toilet for you? If only the parents knew. I think they would be mortified! I may not have believed it if I hadn’t seen it for myself! This is NOT how I want to send my children out into the real world.

One of my favorite parts in this book is in the section “Teaching Life Skills”.  You can’t give someone life skills, they have to acquire them. As parents, even basic tasks, like grooming, cleaning, banking, laundry and cooking should be taught as such:

• first we do it for you
• then we do it with you
• then we watch you do it
• then you do it completely independently

The point is not do for your child what they can do for themselves. It may be nice, warm and fuzzy to do it for them, but it does NOT teach them how to do things for themselves! Somewhere after step 2, parents today seem to get stuck. Almost like we are afraid to see what will happen if we let kids do things on their own.  What if they fail? What if it’s not perfect? Well- that’s the learning part, and the skills that we are taken away by doing everything for them.

I’m definitely not a perfect parent and I know I have and will make mistakes along my parenting journey. If I could give one gift to my children though, it would be for them to be able to go out into this world without me and be able to succeed. There will come a time when my husband and I will not be around and my grown children will have to be in complete control of their own lives.

I absolutely loved this book, from front to back and it’s a real eye opener. It forces us to take a look at some hard truths that are going on today with our children and it gives us countless examples that may even make you cringe a bit. If you are interested in raising your children to become self- sufficient, responsible, confident adults, read this book. It will completely change the way you look at parenting!

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I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

*Linking up at Oh My Heartsie Girl